1 Round AWAY~! SIGN 3 EXTRAS!!!

Humm...that's the lightest one could ever get for firing without command in OCS. Poped an HEDP round when the command was "READY TO FIRE". Sian. Guess I wasn't in the right mind. Like I said to my officer, I've got no excuse, guilty as charged.

My mood, focus and mind are juz too easily influenced by the external factors. I tend to get to the more extreme ends of moods at the slightest breeze. Usually, tend to show only the more positive side of it only. Performance is eventually affected by the mind. Sometimes I find it quite interesting to listen to what my mind is saying when I'm doing something. For eg, when I'm running the SOC, during the run-down, my mind was saying, "What the *toot*. I can't believe I'm running this again. Why the hell are those people running so fast? blah blah blah..." Then, as I was doing the obstacles, "Don't block my way!!! Argg...no time... Over take that person in front! CHIONG AH!!!" As for the return trip, "The guy in front is walking...argg...how about taking a break...NO!!! CONTINUE JOGGING!! I heard footsteps behind, RUN FASTER!! DON"T LET HIM OVER TAKE!!!"

How the mind is playing tricks on myself. I realise that it's something what most people are going through in their heads when facing a problem or obstacle. We always wanna take the easy way out. Perhaps our focus are too easily swayed by the attractive phrase of "giving up" our mind are telling us. What's I've learnt from OCS this few weeks is no matter how painful, physically or mentally, things might get, as a commander, don't ever show it. As a man, or a boy-to-be-man, learn to take pain. If you give up, how can you expect people under you to go on when they see their leader giving up so easily? Maybe I've been practicing this all along, except that what is required now is of a deeper level and more pain.

Keep hearing from people asking me the same question, "What do you like about her? Got style and char isit?" I also don't know, that's why I never take any actions? Don't even know how that feeling or thought even come about. Perhaps I'm juz trying to divert my attention to someone else so I'll let go of another. Don't know lah. Like I said, I don't even know even if whether I should trust my own instincts or feelings anymore. Or rather, should I risk unpredictability anymore. I can take pain, somewhat my heart has ached till numbed to that feeling, it's juz that do I have what it takes to try and live with tt disappointment anymore? To risk friendship for something that might not work out. So many factors to consider. When I start to use head to love instead of my heart, I realise that I'm withdrawing back more. Haha... Don't know. You guys know? =