最后，我的心仍选择了退回自己的防空洞...

oO

Nothing to do at night makes the mind wonder off too much. Ha. I shall sleep earlier next time. Guess it's back to the no life way of life again.

Hmmm...sucks...my flu hasn't recovered after like...2 weeks already? =/ Went out for bball juz now and boy did tt flu increased the level of fatigue-ness... Perspiring like I've been to a marathon after doing some leisure shooting for 10 mins. Slight headache following after which but that didn't really stop me from enjoying the game for 4.5 hours. Haha. Amazing.

The only one thing that never fails to settle all my confused feelings, mixed emotions, negative thoughts - basketball. Come to think about it...It should be about 13 years knowing bball. Haha. The times when I was down and it was there with me in the rain. The times when I was overwhelmed with everything, it brought me to the court when I could find peace.

The only aspect of my life that I know no matter how small it is, I can contribute to the team I'm in. Pick-and-roll, screen play, box out, rebound, assist....All the things that I can do to help the team win. Haha...a least I feel a little important. =)

_________________________

Christmas eve dinner was alright. At least I didn't "anything" my way through this time. Lol. Well... At least I wished the walk to bugis was longer. Ha. Shan't 想太多... 没有希望就没有失望...

When everything isn't alright.

When the disappointment is still so great that the results I secretly hope that I do well didn't turn that way.

When everytime, the aspects of my life that I put in effort for juz keeps disappointing me.

When I started off doubting my own abilities is becoming a belief that I sux.

When everytime will not be alright after a good night's sleep.

No, nothing that I've done is ever right from the start.

有时很想多聊一些，想多了解你，多知道关于你的生活点滴但，总会到一个哑口无言的局面...
今天好吗？没出去吗？明天呢？
天天的话题都围绕这几个平淡无聊的话题吧...
等待，我随时随地，无时无刻都在等待...
等着一个想和我多聊一些，想多了解我，多知道关于我的生活点滴的人...
等待一个能让我一天的疲惫都消失在她的甜蜜中的她...
包容着我无止尽的缺点，我的不浪漫，我的不完美,

我会耐心的等待，排着队拿着爱的号码牌。

Guess I would only find time for myself after work. And it'll be after 11pm when I'm tired, back from work but don't wanna sleep so early coz I juz needed some time for myself. After logging out of msn, ready to sleep, thought I'll juz blog before I drift off to dreamland.

Was niao-ed by Heng about seeing me for the first time being so super indecisive and flustered while shopping for a present with him and Jennifer. Well, thx to Jen for all the tips and ideas to get a gift and Heng for all the complains about me taking too long. Haha. Alright. At least got 1 thing off my mind.

I'm thinking too much. Hah. My heart and mind likes to delude themselves into all sorts of possibilities. It's ok, at least now I've let all those random thoughts and complicated emotions settled down and yup...back to the not hoping for anything state.

Work. Juz felt tired at times having to clear the crap another new Graphic Designer done. Alright. Give it to her that she's new but 3-4 months of working there shouldn't be that crappy standard loh...I was only given 1 month to get used to all the stuffs when I first started working there. =/ Zzz...shag. working close to 12hrs on average there and think I'm gonna K.O-ed soon with the work that keeps piling up. T_T

Rumblings rumblings. Grumble grumble.

Wondering if I'm getting weak or am I getting weak. The stupid flu has been bugging me for days...getting better then worse then better then...like a sine curve. Wheezing till I have a headache today. So many things to complete that...damn...think I gonna work OT on thurs and fri liao. =/ Tired.

So many times I've given lotsa effort and energy but yield no results, be it in any aspect of my life. Don't know, maybe I've learnt to not hope for any results coz I won't be disappointed if nothing happens. Perhaps I'm still too naive in viewing this world.

Wonder if it's going to be the same this time around.

Things I'm proud of myself today.

Back to Sci centre. Haha, today the kids demostrated how much they love me by sneaking up and jumping all over me. Haha. It's fun, to play and share new things with them, get them interested and going in Science and fun. Learned a couple of card tricks from 2 pro card magicians. Well, they're actually visitors but they're juz showing us a hell lot of good tricks. Haha. Think they're gonna be recruited to show card tricks to the visitors.

Managed to run about 8-10km today. Haha. Well, for someone who hasn't been running much, it's a feat, so I'm quite proud of myself. =D Long distance running is really a lot more psychological (and physical too..) coz the body keeps shouting for me to stop with the aches in the leg, the waist, a hard time breathing initially...but the mind just keeps pushing the body along and after a while, hey, things starts to get a little easier. Well...like I told jun and fu, we should start training coz next year, I'm gonna own the T-shirt of "Finisher of 42.126km" of Standard Charter Marathon.

Was thinking of a few things while running. A lot of things in life is like running long distance. Along the way, there's lotsa factors that's tempting me to give up, to turn back and to give in but, many times if I juz push on, I'll finally reach the end point. Even if I know that the timing isn't good, at least I can say "Hey, that's the best you can do now. Try harder next time!" Yea.

An aquarian never knows when to quit.

Juz worked 14 hours today. Wow...not bad another record for me. Didn't manage to finish all the stuffs to be done so ya..gonna find time to go back and finish them. Thx to Jennifer and Heng who knocked off @ 9pm but stayed back to accompany me by playing risk themselves. Lol, suay Heng was thrashed by Jen. Haha.

Work. Sometimes I wonder why am I even like working so much? Working to fill up my time coz I know I'll be wasting time away at home anyway? Working coz there's responsibility in completing the tasks at hand and easing everyone's workload? Working so that I don't have time to wonder abot stuffs?

Realised I like to talk big and talk crap (at times) but that's really to hide that deflated ego of mine from all those big defeats (tt I consider so) in life. Deflated ego, hurted pride and broken heart. Time didn't really heal anything, I realised. Time only managed to build a false sense of security but yet, nothing is fixed. Well...it's time to get back on my feet slowly again. I've been sitting on that same spot for too long.

Hmmm...a part of me is resisting, refusing to let go. How to move on like this?

Jh is K.O-ed.

Hmmm been working for 2 days at Science Centre already. All I can say that it's a tiring, non-stop talking but rewarding job. Oh ya, catch me on the new Octo channel ba...you might juz see me on TV. Lol.

Sometimes it's about the interest in Science in their eyes that rewards me. I practically taught this K1 kiddo all the basic stuffs about magnets to magnetic field to magnetic attraction which I think that he practically do not understand much of it...but..when he ask why with that tightly-knitted eyebrows and looked at into my eyes with full of curiosity about how things work, how could I not share with him what I know?

Wondering if I should be a teacher...seriously. Lol. The other exhibition guide was like telling me that I have natural showmanship. But seriously, I love interacting with the visitors them, at least they laugh at my jokes, get impressed with me "magical abilities" and appreciates what I do for them.

Hmm...seriously having a sorethroat at the end of the day....argg..still have to sing K tml nite and thurs...how...? =/

Don't know what to talk with her also. Seems like everytime the conversation will drop dead somewhere. Maybe...that's the way things would be...nothing at all. =/