Been wondering, why do conflict arise? Between friends who've know each other for so long? Could it be coz that all along the years, we've juz known each other at the superficial level that we never really bothered to get deeply connected with each other? Or after years of friendship we began to take each other for granted, becoming insensitive to each others needs and wants? Somewhere, somehow the communication part broke down and the anger and frustration sets in, making things worse. Or we juz hold on to tt thing called PRIDE and refuse to admit that we're all in the wrong, making insensitive comments like "cannot be bothered" or "don't care" that only hurt the hard to build yet fragile relationship. I don't know, I'm still learning. Living for 20 years ain't a lot and ain't tt little, but surely not enough yet to know a lot of things. I guess everyone's right and everyone's wrong at the same time. Have to admit that everyone's unique and have different views on things but maybe sometimes we juz have to take a step back and view things on a more neutral perspective instead of taking every comment too personally? Perhaps, but it's still my own opinion. Still thinking, being at home for so many days really gives me lotsa time to think about a lot of things....maybe a bit too much.

Realise that there's so many things that I've not let go, forget. Time never really helps. How I wish some things never began, so I don't have to still linger over the end. I know what I should do but somewhat, I'm not doing it. Haha...irony. Time seems to have been a standstill for me for so long, too long. Maybe I'll let go once I go uni? Haha...maybe. Juz know that if I don't let go, I'll never move on. Still trying to find that something that's still holding me back.

We should juz live in fantasy and elude ourselves from reality. Juz keep believing in that the world is perfect and that everyone is, coz it isn't. If that makes you happy.

Finished 21km. Enriching experience. At least I can say I've done 21. HAha. Whole body shag out from the gym session yesterday and the ahm today. Feels shiok, means my body is gonna get stronger. =) Maybe tml will drop by the gym again then bball shootout?

Guess I'm wrong. To me, bball is my passion but to others it may juz be a game or leisure in which it's for them to relax and have fun. Different perspective. That's why shan't comment further coz it's my own opinions and views on how it should be done. Sorry JS, my fault. Hope you understand. Sometimes I really hate human relationships, years to build up and minutes or even seconds to break apart. So fragile. Nevermind, shan't step much into it. Juz wanna go to the court and enjoy my game. Whatever other's do I guess, if we lose the game, it's my fault. Coz I don't have the capability and skills to make a win happen? Like boon said, (quote again) we've always been playing basketball based on individual skills. So, I'll juz have to bring my own game to a higher level to secure the win. I know winning isn't everything but there's no point if I play not to win right? Whatever it is, I'll juz have to depend on me, my skills, my body and my mind to win the game. Don't blame it on others liao.

Another thought.

Once again, I've proven myself correct that feedbacks and comments are unnecessary coz no one will bother. No one likes to listen coz it juz goes to show that they're wrong and no one likes to be critised. Maybe boon's right that if I don't care I won't even bother. Haha, I should start caring less. Why bother so much about others? They're unique individuals who know what's right and what's wrong. There's no need for an outside like me to give comments. Juz develop the indifference attitude.

Sprain my ankle on Mon. Humm...hope tt the strain will be gone by tml for AHM. Hasn't been able to play much bball lately coz of it. Sad. Hated the sarcasim when people say things like coz you're talent (and so you can bullshit so much lah.. <---interpretation in my mind). I don't have. I admit. If I'm, then boon's a genius. I took 8 years playing the game and he only took less than half of mine and he's tt gd. It's normal for humans to be superficial and juz look at the results. No one bother to see the hours I spent on the court alone trying to juz get that shot right. It's juz like what I have today is poof~ *snap finger* and tadah~ I can shoot! I can get rebounds! I can layup! YeY~ NO NEED TO PUT IN EFFORT! Hah <---tt's my sarcastic laughter. I don't care. Don't bother. I shall hold on to my own beliefs even though sometimes this world juz makes me wanna believe in the reality.

Today's takeaway---
Don't bother for those who don't.
Don't change for those unworthy.

Demote me and call me SARGE or "come here PTE" will do.

Sometimes feel that I'm juz doing a job where you don't really need a 2LT to do. Kinda frustrating to come back on 2 off days juz to do something stupid. Something I learnt, shouldn't always be that keen to help. After once or twice, you'll be their targets of "volunteer". Another thing I hate is when I say a firm "NO" and people around juz keeps buzzing around my ears - "Go lah...y don't go?" "Aiya, c'mon loh.." and some juz "What? See you there." My ass. I don't have to do what you want me to do. I'm irritating but I know my limits. When I get decide to try my luck and get boon to go clubbing, asking once is enough coz I know if he doesn't want there's no use in talking further. Why must you all juz wanna piss me off and keep clinging on to me like some pest whole day making me feel so f-up? Don't make me show you my not-so-friendly side. Don't test the limits, coz you don't have what it take to face the aftermath.

F it. No point feeling f up. Glad I put her picture as desktop background. Always feel better seeing that sweet smile. =) Discovering another aspect of love. Actually not, it's always that part that I've been looking for. The mental and spiritual part of love. When you desire for a person, you're looking for the physical part of love, or more of the natural instinct that's been going on for zeons of years. I juz needed someone to occupy my mind, juz don't let my mind fail me in tough times. Simple things like the 15km run, I like to imagine that 'she' is running beside me so that I don't give up halfway or out in the jungle fighting and knowing that it's all worth it for the safety and security of that person. Maybe having too much uncertainty and doubts in the reality of love are some things that I've tasted and gotten tired of. Can say I'm hum but I think that I've grown up more? Don't really wanna jump into anything or like in the past, give everything that I've got and leave no road to retreat coz I naively thought there's no need. Realise that I really prefer to juz be a good friend to the female counterparts. Haha, don't wanna boast but I do still provide valuable insights and advices to problems of the heart. hAhaha. Sometimes, it's better to help from the outside than to jump in and get involved. Well, that is if you know what that sentence means. =) Feel free to call me up for coffee to have a small talk. No fees needed. I'm learning to listen too. Mutual benefits. =)

Been really tired for the past week. Can't imagine that I slept 15 hrs ++ from last night after I came home from camp. Woh... Been helping out in the National Camp Visit where all the uniform groups are stayin at SISpec there and visiting the army place, one of which is the Survival Village that I'm helping in. Lasted from Thurs to Sat. Yea. Quite enriching eh, my station is collection of water. Haha, somewhat sharing with them the knowledge and experience is somewhat enjoyable. Some of them shared with me their methods too, not to mention that there are foreign cadets who might in fact, be more pro than me. Haha. Managed to catch a glimpse of a few good looking gals but, they're too young for my age. I'm an old man. =S Had fun looking at the crowd going "EEEwwwwwww" and "AHHHHHHHHHH" when one of the instructors is conducting killing and skinning of live animals. Haha. Somewhat I'm used to seeing that blood. =O

Haha...was kinda surprised when I saw fuji girl on my way home last night. Didn't know she work on sat too. Think I need to update my info liaox. It's really been weeks that I've last saw her. Hah...must be that I've been working hard lately. Lol. She still looks as sweet as ever. Haha. =D

Gonna be bz for the rest of this year. 1 officer from scouts side is gonna ORD soon and so, I'll take over his team till the new officer comes in. The rest of the work year schedule is out and yup, having lots of times where I have to attend to 2 different in camps at 2 different places in the same time frame. Humm...will my pay double also? Hope so but continue dreaming loh. Haha...maybe I'm juz too dispensible that I get kicked around like a soccer ball? Lol. Don't care liao...juz wait for 070207.

Played bball with some of my colleagues juz now. Kinda frustrating when I lost 2 games and won 1 of the 1 v 2 matches. My offensive skills sux big time. Juz seems like when I don't get close to the low post my scoring ability drop to the minimum. My set shot, jump shot all mid to long range shots are too inconsistant. Even when I penetrate, the lay-ups are missing like f. I juz need to up the offensive side. Need more practice. Starting from tml.

Sometimes doesn't feel right for the past week. Juz feeling a bit...funny. Sometimes wrong in me but I don't know what. When I do work, juz feel damn sian (a different kind of the normal sian) even though I'll still complete it. During bball, frustrated that even with the desire to win, my body doesn't cooperate (physically and skill wise) with me. I need a source of happiness I guess. Something that I don't have to work for result, struggle for success as end state, do for the sake of pleasing others. Something that I know that I, JH, Mr KUANG, ME feels happy doing. Sigh. Missed those carefree life. My wings are tied.