If I'm a rubber band, I'm juz so curious juz how long more it'll take for me to juz snap. I've always given repect to all the people around, esp those in senior in terms or age or hierachy. Maybe I'm juz not doing enough. Maybe I don't really have what it takes to make it to be anybody. Or simply, I'm juz fucked up. I don't if I'm not trying hard enough, or juz I'm too soft, or I'm not cut for it. I'm really tired. If I could, I would rather give my life to someone else who finds life more meaningful than me. Everyday have nothing to look forward to except more demoralising things from instructers to inform me that no matter how fucking much I tried, or how hard I do stuffs, it's juz not enough and I'm nothing but a lump of shit. Leadership course taught us that morale is one of the uptmost importance in a unit's performance. Right now, I juz feel so worthless now and my morale was nowhere to be found but in the depths of a black hole. Haha. I really found no reason to smile nor laugh at anywhere, anytime, any day.

Confidence, thought I could find some here but instead, managed to lost most of it. Love, something everyone seeks and goes for me too but, I've been through much and lost all the courage nor ability to try hld on to it again. All I know that out here in the civilian world is nothing but a dream, a brief one where I'll wake up to find myself back into the nightmare that I'm to be in. Even optimism has left me. Haha, can only laugh at my own stupidity.

Don't even feel like talking now. Nothing else matters now. If only something does. If only I can see light in this dark I don't even know where and I don't even know where I'm heading place. If only I don't feel so tired. If only I'm not me.