Listening to JJ's songs. The tempo of my heart has been out of rhythm for a long long time. Been troubled by my heart for so long and all I've done is nothing but suppress everything deeper and deeper. It really does takes a lot of luck, patient, courage, determination and 2 person to get 2 different hearts beating at the same rhythm. I've always been unsure of how I feel inside coz I really don't know what's right and what's wrong to what my instinct or feeling tells me. Even my dreams are invaded with images of her that I don't even know what's wrong with me. Realise that I always try to follow the rules, stick to the ideal and try to be as perfect as my moral values want me to be. If you love someone, you would want her to be happy. Yes I do, of course I do, but what about me. It juz feels so tired to always think of others' feelings and happiness that I forget my own emotional needs, that I'm juz a human being, like anyone else. Hah...maybe not. Even since I been to OCS, I'm not treated like one. Haha. At least humans are allowed to make mistakes, but OCTs are expected to be perfect. I don't know. I don't know what I want myself to be, what I want in my life, how to handle myself. Juz need answers. It would be good is something happen and I get amnesia. Start everything anew.