Social night was great. Everything's great. Ann's beautiful. The food was good. The performance was excellent. The games were fun. Everything except me. Wasn't in for the formal situation that makes me seems not like me there. I'm juz not made for the seriousness of the occasion. Guess I really should say sorry to Ann for not being more entertaining and such. =(

Perhaps I could use some excuses to bail myself out. Wasn't really full of energy there. Was more tired than I'm usually were. Had a 15km ET run in the morning before the function. Wasn't really in the best of the health condition for this week, considering that I've been eating for at most 1.5 meal a day. Juz didn't have tt appetite. Had quite a big bacterial infection on both my elbows. Wanted to see the doc after bookin out on fri but somehow the big cock up of my beloved bravo wing adminstration resulted the wing in booking out at 1600 instead of like 1300 and I have to rush home and pick up Ann at 1830. Managed to see the doc this morning and I got a minor operation on that infected part. Kinda gross to see him cut up the top layer and squeeze and dig out the pus inside that cratered wound. After trying to act manly by keeping quiet while pulling my hair, I thought that my agony was over when all the gross shit was out but nope, he started cutting up a piece of swap and stuff them inside the crater and then bandaged it up. Now my hand feels so *toot* that I don't even wanna do anything other than sleep. Sian. New Year's Eve, the last thing I wanna do is to squeeze in the crowd and have more "wonderful sensations". The only wish I have for this New Year is that these infections will heal faster before I go to Thailand in 4 days' time.

I wonder if I'm one of the people living in the reality or running away from the truth in this world. I really admired people who have lotsa faith in their religion. Everything about them they can relate to God, the religion is their guideline in life, their destination in life, everything. If something goes wrong, they will overcome it with faith in their God. A sensitive topic - do God really exist? Of course lots will say yes, but has God ever appeared to many or seen or felt or heard? Perhaps I don't have the link to any Gods coz I don't feel anything from them. Throughout my 19 years, it juz seems like my family is my religion. My parents and sister guide me and mould be into how I should be, what I should become. Yet, they can only bring me to a certain point in my life, they taught me how to choose wisely and the rest of the roads I'm going to walk, is on my own. Feel like a little ant on a football field wondering what's next. Perhaps I'm too easily contented, power, money and success are not things I really desire in life. Juz be in the background will do. I guess moving on a different road really is a tough one. At least following the crowd won't make you feel lonely. Haha... Dreams...juz blabbering some nonsense. Sigh.