Back.

Ex Cresendo juz ended in a whizz... Everything was not as bad as it was in Brunei. There's time for everything and the only tiring part of the whole trip was Ex Homerun where 5 missions in 3 days 3 night with less than 2 hrs of slp in total. Really a test of mental endurance. Seen lots in this trip. All sort of character from cadets to permstaffs to officers alike. Juz sets me thinking about everything I've been working for. Thought that being an officer is like a prestigous thing but somewhat some actions, words and behaviours of some blacksheep makes me think otherwise. Perhaps 1 person I really missed this trip is my Wing Sergeant Major who's posted out to be OC of a BMT company. He's one who's been around since I stepped into OCS and he never fails to make me feel safe when he's around. Somewhat, he's like another father to me in OCS. Sighz... Never mind, he promised to come back for our commissioning parade. =)

I'm one of the stupid guys that my PC said when he talked to all of us, although he juz didn't mention names, I juz know. People who juz work and work but don't know how to wayang to suck up to their superiors. Haha...I admit that's me. I don't like doing things to earn my way into others' FAV list but rather, coz it's something that's needed to be done. Coz someone juz gotta do it. Perhaps I'm not streetwise, not tt smart or I'm juz so ordinary that I juz have to work extra hard to get what others could have got with half the effort. I'm not special, unique. Juz an ordinary me. Maybe that's why I could only keep the distance. She's beautiful, smart, friendly, nice, everything a guy could dream of. Me, juz someone you wouldn't notice unless you looked really hard. Haha. I guess, maybe I feel inferior inside? Or I juz think that she deserves better. Perhaps until I have more confidence in love, I'll juz continue being a friend and work towards having a golden retriever as my companion. At least a dog would make me feel special, be happy to see me and love me unconditionally. Haha.

Less than 2 months to commissioning. Wondering what lies ahead after this. Still searching for that 1 reason, purpose or goal for my pressence here. Waiting. Looking. Still tired.