Watched "Xian Jian Qi Xia Zhuan" on sat. Found what one of the person in the show said to be quite true. Actually gaining enlightment is juz like having this untouchable calmness inside one, not affecting by external influences. Happiness, sadness, jealousy, anger - all these feelings are juz our own attitude towards things. It's actually our call to decide how we should feel. Pehaps if we viewed things from other perspectives, they don't really affect us that much. Kinda hard to practice them though...I always knew it's no good to have some thoughts and emotions but they juz come at that time and screw me up. Haha. No wonder there's a say " Tian luo you qing tian yi lao" (If heaven has love, it'll wither and grow old). True true. But kinda bad for me too...found myself with nothing to hold on strongly to. Like a belief or goal. Makes me like a wondering soul without an aim in life. Everyone like has big dreams, earn big bucks, earn big bucks and earn big bucks. Me...well...don't know. Perhaps the need hasn't arise yet so I think juz earn enough to save a bit if good for me. Humm...sian. Need a long term goal or purpose to give me that drive and passion or everyday will juz be...SIAN. Sigh..sian.

Weeks after weeks of oufield after this. Can't wait for RCC to end.