How long have I been like this? Aimless, meaningless... Don't know. Perhaps the once in a while short term goals and happiness have masked the fact at how empty my heart and soul are feeling. Is there something that I can really look forward to each day when I open my eyes? Or am I juz to wake up wishing that the night would come and I could go back to sleep again, hoping that I'll dream of something that'll make me feel more complete? Read ZR's blog and a title struck me "They call me SIR, but I'm not a SUPERHUMAN." True. Watched Superman Returns. Wished that I could fly that when I feel unhappy I could juz fly away into the sky, amongst the cloud and seek solitude into some unknown place. The only place I can fly away to is only my own fantasy world. Sometimes I really forget who I am, how I should feel or rather how I can feel... When I want to get in touch with that lost self, I don't know when and where to start. Silence is a powerful tool. I'm on the way of mastering it to hide the emotions I don't want to show - anger, frustration, sadness, unhappiness...when I feel like crying. Crying, I even forgot what it really feels like to cry. I remembered how torn I felt once and I promised not to let a tear drop anymore. Maybe that made me stronger or it juz made the defences around more solid. Crap. Don't really think I should continue holding on to all the principles and values that others deemed "should be done or what one should have" anymore. Why hope for an ideal world or where everything is perfect? It's not going to happen. Embrace the materialism, corruption and the badass thing this society is promoting. If you can't beat them, join them. Don't be a hero and stand alone, heroes die young. I'm not superman, I'm juz an ordinary boy.