Juz can't help but feel disturbed after reading some of the stuffs. Maybe I should juz voice out a bit instead of being indifferent most of the times.

This period, don't know. The time when everyone juz feels so sian about one another? Like knowing each other for so long and yet, when you think that you wanna do something to up the relationship but do the same old things seems so sian. Everytime do also yields the same results. Have to admit, I also felt quite sian, or rather monotonous. Feeling that I'm in this transition in life where I really feel damn lost about where I should go, what I should do or even why the f am I even here? Then all the negative injects from the surroundin peoples ain't improving my situation either. Play bball for example. It's a happy thing in the past, used to juz play hours for hours and yet can still keep up the zest, the positiveness but now, it seems like losing is a no-no thing. Everyone expects everyone to be of that standard. To be specific, look at how JS bs jun on the sat bball. I know jun hasn't touch bball for a long time that's why I don't really wanna pressume that he's the one he is before he left. Wanted him to play coz since he's back let him enjoy the game. I know that sometimes his attitude seems like he's juz not putting his 100% and then losing the game is not justifable, but can't we not just concentrate on the result and enjoy the process? Is winning that all important?

I don't really like to fight for something with another person if I know that it can be important to him/her. I really hate myself for that. Sometimes I regret lettting things slip by, opportunites given to others coz I let them flew past. Juz like I let her go off. Ever since that incident, I'm somewhat looking for something, may it be a physical thing or a purpose, a spiritual stuff to let me hold on to. To tell myself that at least that there's something important in this life that I will not let go no matter what, something that I want to fight and protect to the end but...nope, I can't find it. I don't know. Maybe that's why I find living and doing the things I' doing now quite meaningless? Juz like going through the motion, waiting for time to pass so that I can wait for the time to come when I can return to the soil.

Sidetracked too much. Maybe the friendship is no diff from the BGR? There comes a point where 2 or more people are together for so long that they no longer know what they can do to spice up each other's life? To add some sparks and fireworks to light up the dull world that's becoming? Guess we should start to expect less and accept more... I don't know. I never knew anything. I'm juz always blabbering some nonsense. =

Lost in a Crazy World