Don't you ever wish that you never had something before? Coz the longing for it after you lost it is juz so great, and sometimes you juz ain't yourself anymore for trying too hard to find it.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. True. After fighting one after another internal war with myself and surviving it, I did feel stronger, more resilent to pain, a bigger threshold to negativity. As if in the process of killing out all those emotions, I've became numb to whatever it is. Yet, I never manage to defeat that sense of longing inhibiting inside me, infesting and growing its veins deep down into my heart. It's like somewhat every little thing that has to do with her, when she showed me a little attention, it's like a blooming voice awakening every bit of sense that I thought that I've slayed and vanquished into the realms of unknown. Somewhat I feel that if she did a little bit more, she would really crumple my last remaining will to resist and fight.

Time has stopped at that very moment. From that very moment onwards, I've been fighting this endless battle. From that very moment, space warped into a singularity, trapping me inside with no escape. The will to live moulded and crafted the belief in independance. Never let the willpower crumble and falter, never grow reliant on someone, never dish out trust like flyers. Observe, survey and analyse. Give the trust to those who're worthy and let the rest earn it.