Resolve - 1. to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something)

I'm an Aquarian with a "I-S" personality. What a bad combi, especially when it describes me so well..on certain parts. Haha... I certainly like changes, don't like to stay at the same thing for too long. New things always excites me coz it's fresh and stimulates my mind. So, my NS life now is a bore coz everything is juz crap sht same and boring. Hmm...

I'm a dreamer. Like what my sign describes me, my mind seems to be less in touch with reality at some times and drift of to other things. It's good too for I'm able to manipulate my mind in ways some others find difficult in, like rotating a 3D object in my mind during a maths lecture in JC. Maybe it enables me to see things where others find difficult in seeing. Perhaps when my mind always disillusion me about things, being too over-positive about things thus making me have too high of a false hope about things. But quite contradictory, should I fill myself with hope and energy to go all out for something, or should I have the barest minimum hope and give myself all the retreat route while trying? Somewhat I know the 1st one is the answer but I realise that I've been doing that all along and it's tiring when things don't really work out. I don't know, maybe I need another few years to recharge the lost energies?

Detached and emotionless, somewhat making them a bit cold. Maybe? I never like relating my emotions to reality. Suppressing them has become a habit or coming to an involuntery reaction. I can be very emotional that feelings tend to be quite extreme. Always come to regret having those emotions after when everything cools down and I reflect. Realise that there are times I need to be emotional and times to be emotionless but I haven't learnt that technique yet so I juz show my happy side all the time. Found out that happiness is a very contagious feeling. Self-induced joy - I called it. Finding no reason to laugh, to be happy somewhat makes me feels positive from within. Floods away all the bad stuffs. Maybe it's adrenaline, the sudden rush of energy and the aftermath - fatigue and tireness. Once the happiness dies down, the sudden cold and lonely feeling sets in. Yet, I guess I'm dealing with it juz fine, coz it has become part of my life. Like a wolf. At times it's with its pack but at times, it's alone on its own. Cannot always rely on companionship to survive for I still have to go on one day without them.

Love songs are good and nice in a sense that they keep that hope that burns some warmth in me when I'm feeling all that lonewolfy. Somewhat it also keeps me from forming my resolve - either to completely detach myself from love or keep on drowning in it. It can be quite suffocating to be like the water flowing about without any form, juz going where ever it takes me, although that's the nature of my sign. Lol. Maybe I should stop resisting and go with that flow and be that flexible and forever changing being, having no fixed ideas, opinions or even anything. Perhaps I've been too persisitant in the past? HAha...I don't know. I driving myself crazy with all this irony, paradox and contrary. Argg...