Been blogging excessively. Becoming a bad habit. All the crap that comes to my mind comes here. Ever since I start writing all these things down online, my mind feels more and more
dependent, always wishing that someone would be here to share my thoughts.

No.

The only way to get stronger is to severe all strains of reliance.

Watching "Return of the Condor Heroes" again. Halfway thru, although I kinda like know the story inside out and probably could tell you from the start to end every detail what's gonna happen, I juz never fail to get absorbed into the whole story line.

At diferent times when you watch the same thing, it juz gives me a different understanding, see a different light.. Used to think that when I really fall in love, when I give my heart to someone else, I should hold on to her no matter what, juz like what YG would wait for XLN for 16 years. If that person is really important to me, it would worth the wait right? Maybe so. It's juz stupid, foolish at times, to believe in that fairy tale logic. If her heart is not there anymore, or was never there in the first place, don't waste the time and effort. Why continue to torment yourself emotionally and reduce to the state where you ain't even sure of whether any of the emotions that you're feeling is genuine? At least I stopped believing in any of the things my heart would echo inside. Mental rehearsal is a powerful tool for the more you tell yourself something, saying out loud, your mind will start to rewire itself to that mentality.

When guys gather around and talk, it's strange that we don't get too much into sentimental or lovey dovey issues...or maybe we're all juz not ready yet to open up. Sensed that some of them actually still pin on to hopes of someone close to their heart. Haha, waiting for uni to start, that's what boon said. Maybe uni would be a whole different thing, expose to more people and who knows, the special one might be there? Or maybe not? Maybe love is like a random ocurrance like getting a Scratch N' Win from Long John Silver meals where most of the time the result will be "Thank you for dining in with Long John Silver" and how many actually get to win something? But there's still a possibility that you might get it, that's why many people likes to pin hopes for things like toto and 4D?

Peacefulness is mostly associated with silence, stillness, light tones of colours and nature. Maybe a more realistic definition is minimum movement and noise. Still water. If describing the heart like still water, is it refering to the heart being at peace with itself, or it has stopped having feelings, thus having no disturbance? Felt my heart like a still water, yet once in a while, a pebble is dropped into it, rippling the stillness into non-existance. I realised that as I get more and more indifferent to certain things, what used to be a big piece of rock has been reduce to a grain of sand dropping onto that pond of mine, creating minimum disturbance. Is that peacefulness that I've accquired? Come to think about it, love is the root of many problems and happiness. Without that feeling, life itself becomes much more mono tone, much more simpler.

Well...still on the path of learning and understanding...

Today I suddenly realise that I'm LOUD, although I've been constantly reminded by the peeps around me to minimise my usage of undesirable words and volume. Bad influence in the army. Never mind, shall make a conscious effort to change for the better. =)

Walking on a lighter note in life.

I don't really have an aim or goal strong enough, imprinted in my mind, to make me really work serious and hard for it. Maybe some of the short term goals or what ain't really up to the challenge coz I know that I can achieve it without giving in all I've got or what. Guess that's why I've always been walking on the lighter note in life. Or is it that it's been inbuild in my genes that I really have a different breed of seriousnes. Haha. Don't know. Well...it's not like I have really important things in life to worry about now, except my own future. See ba...as things go along. =)

Weee...a nice long 2 weeks for me to rest..finally. =D After much struggling to keep myself sane from all the the insane and last minute crap, I've finally pulled through to my long awaited break. Wahaha.

Happy, got a new phone. Haha. Now I can see my dream girl's picture every moment on my phone! =P Hmm...got 2 books for the festive season, both from Isaac Asimov, my all time fav author. Kinda saw when I heard that he passed away (long ago) but his robot series will always be my top reading titles. Haha.

Well, all planned out for this weekend. Sat evening goin to ZX's house for class gathering and Boon's driving! Free ride! Yey~ Haha. Cool, I get to be the vehicle commander. =O Hmm...Christmas gathering means I'm gonna go and shop for a present to. Seems like this gathering I don't have a chance to showcase my cooking skills again? Haha. Not like they really enjoyed the 'new and refreshing' recepies that I've came up the other time. Lol. Well, as for Sun evening, should be going to Holland V for some chill out session or go K Box (and I'll bring my own liquor) for some sing-a-long session. (or rather Jh's concert. Lol)

Went to Fadhil's wedding. Haha, can tell that he's nervous being all stiff and gulping down saliva. Yup, happy for him too. Met up with some peeps there and there, Mr Wee was declaring to all that he's attached. And was thanking me for helping him. Lol, in the end found out that he asked the girl to come to my blog to listen to the song playing here. Alright...that's an unusual way to jio a gal but nevertheless, it's a sucessful ploy. Haha. Maybe I can put it into usage next time.

Age is catching up with me.

Saw Liu Jia on my way back camp last week at the bus interchange. Well, gotta say I almost couldn't recognise her if she hadn't tapped me on the shoulder. More matured looking, I would say. Haha. Well, she commented that she also couldn't recognise me coz I aged quite a lot as compared to the secondary sch days. =O Well, guess the stress from work and that boring life that I'm leading now is really speeding up the process of me "maturing physically" in a nicer phrasing. I feel old. Come to think about it, I'll soon be 21 in less than 2 months' time which means I'm legally considered an adult in our society's context. (which means more freedom, if ya noe what I mean. =P) Yet, still feel that my mind has not be progressing that well, considering the fact that I'm still like a 16 year old under going adolescent. Hmm...

Nice music from the live band. Nice environment.

Went to this bar opposite Suntec which I forgot what it's called. Nice place. (gd for bring ya gf there) The singers from the live band performing possess good vocal, with soothin and nice music one after another. There's also TV showing soccer matches for the football fanatics. For me, I juz wanna enjoy some nice music and a cup of cocktail or house pour after a stressful day's work. A good place to chill out. Next place to explore is Holland V where I heard from my team head that a few similar bars are located at. Hangouts during my working life in the future.

A bitter process yields sweet results; a sweet process yields bitter results.

Doing, saying and thinking nothing leads to nothing, which in turn may not be a bad thing.

Went to Zuok with Jun, Seng and Fu. Didn't wanna go coz clubbing juz ain't my type of chilling out session but the thought of Jun kbkb, so I juz give in. Haha. As expected, it's juz boring and damages my keen hearing...it's still a bit muffled of the things I'm hearing now. Feel that I'm like an escort to the 3 ass loh...Fu was like going tipsy after tt bit of drinking and was watchin out for him. Seng, watchin out for him too coz of his previous bad record. Haha. Jun was like gone off to havoc with another girl halfway loh. Still didn't really understand why clubbing is so fun. I felt so sleepy after 1am (coz of the insufficient slp for the whole week). The drinks are really exp there... Would really appreciate if I could juz sit down at a pub to relax my tensed self after the whole week of lousy work. Some nice music and the low PSI environment would be good. Must find some other similiar interests khakis to pub some day. Haha.

Those who had a smooth journey never learn much...

Army made me learn lots of things about life, about what's the work life's gonna be like, what human relations are all about... More important, Army now makes me tired. Tired of doing so many things other than what am I'm suppose to do. Tired of getting screwed coz I forgot some things here and there coz I've lost my focus with everything going on at the same time. Tired of going OT almost everyday to do things that I can juz simply heck care. Sometimes I'm juz wondering if it's the fear of getting extras or is it the sense of responsibility I've never had? Perhaps things I've gained throughout from this service so far are things that are moulding me into a better person. Things get tired, roads get rough and the path to the destination seems endless...when all I wished was that there's someone, when she would walk with me.

When all I needed was more willpower and strength...

Now I know why do people have the thirst for more strength and power. Maybe it's a sense of security. Money, fame, prestige and a footing amongst the top, give them this security that there're near perfect. Makes them more at peace with themselves. I'm hugry for strength and power too, yet in a different form. More willpower to stop always trying to rely on that 'her' who never existed when the going gets tough. To bend in to my 'heart' which is juz another fictious fragment created by my mind when things get rough. More strength to push ahead, to stand up after each fall, to cross mountains, bash through dense forests to reach my goal. To have the undying passion in things that I've set out to achieve.

When you don't believe that much in religion and love, all you're left with is to believe in yourself.

Work is juz work.

-No point getting frustrated over it.