Those who had a smooth journey never learn much...

Army made me learn lots of things about life, about what's the work life's gonna be like, what human relations are all about... More important, Army now makes me tired. Tired of doing so many things other than what am I'm suppose to do. Tired of getting screwed coz I forgot some things here and there coz I've lost my focus with everything going on at the same time. Tired of going OT almost everyday to do things that I can juz simply heck care. Sometimes I'm juz wondering if it's the fear of getting extras or is it the sense of responsibility I've never had? Perhaps things I've gained throughout from this service so far are things that are moulding me into a better person. Things get tired, roads get rough and the path to the destination seems endless...when all I wished was that there's someone, when she would walk with me.

When all I needed was more willpower and strength...

Now I know why do people have the thirst for more strength and power. Maybe it's a sense of security. Money, fame, prestige and a footing amongst the top, give them this security that there're near perfect. Makes them more at peace with themselves. I'm hugry for strength and power too, yet in a different form. More willpower to stop always trying to rely on that 'her' who never existed when the going gets tough. To bend in to my 'heart' which is juz another fictious fragment created by my mind when things get rough. More strength to push ahead, to stand up after each fall, to cross mountains, bash through dense forests to reach my goal. To have the undying passion in things that I've set out to achieve.

When you don't believe that much in religion and love, all you're left with is to believe in yourself.