Visitng the elderlys.

Maybe it's community service. I prefer it as a social visit. Was reinforcement requested by Marv on the 11th hour but was glad that I'm part of the backup plan. Haha. Frankly speaking, I really didn't know what to expect going there but it did turn out to be a positive experience. My Canto sux, kinda reminded me of trying to understand what my grandma's trying to say everytime I went back to M'sia for CNY. Only know a little bit and the rest, I just gotta use my intellect and guess. Lol. One of the Ah ma there spoke Hokkien and I guess, it's fun chatting with her together with jun. She really talked about lots of things. Had MacDonalds and a stroll at WCP. Was holding on to an Ah Ma's hand coz I guess age's catching up on her. It was slow, much much more slower than the normal pace, or rather strides that I would take but somewhat did realise something - it felt good.

Sometimes we're juz moving on in life so quickly, trying to catch up with the next moment's thing that we forgot to enjoy what's at the present. The sky's blue. The birds are singing. The wind's blowing. Little children playing. Or all these are just like flashes passing by while we're rushing to the next thing to be done? Slow down and take a breather, relax. Haha...come to think about it, the Ah Ma did help me to wipe away my sweat with tissue paper. Lol, that's romantic, I would say. =P If she's 60-70 years younger, I'd certainly go for her. =D Well, could see that they're happy at the end of the day. Maybe all that they need is to have someone to talk to them, listen to them, walk with them for strolls, just..be with them. Lonely certainly isn't an attributable feeling at the age when you have too much time at hand. Talk to them, coz they certainly have lots of things we can learn just my listening - no sweat involved.

Playing Basketball.

Watching NBA 100 Greatest Plays with Js and that got us crazy during the bball session in the evening, imitating moves, dishing out "great" passes and trying the cool plays. Somewhat agreed with what Larry Bird said, "It's doesn't really matter if I scored 10pts, 20pts or 50pts. I like it when the ball's moving and everyone's involved." Yup. Guess that's what been missing in bball for me for a long time. Especially when boon's become a great shooter, I became better in the low post, our game is just stale at that level. Whenever the game is on the line or not, just dish the ball to boon coz he'll figure a way out to sink it in the hook. Doesn't matter if it's a miss coz Jh will get the rebound. It's something that you know that even if you win the game, it ain't really satisfying, or perhaps just for that moment of Pride.

Involve everyone. Maybe that's what I've been playing all along. If there's an open player out there, be it cck (lol, pun intended), I guess I'll still dish it to him to shoot. Although he did all the crappy things (like throwing to the direction where there's no one coz he tot he saw me flashed passed. =O), he's in the best position - unguarded. I like the feeling that we win together, with everyone's effort. Even if we lose, we lose together. Team. That's why I fell in love with the game the very first time isn't it? Coz it not of simple maths of 1 x 5 = 5 where 1 team with 5 men equals to 5 men. It's a team of 5 men with limitless possibilities. Uncertainty. Unpredictable. That's the fun part of it.

It's when 5 persons move in sync and create something special, a move, a play or something that others could only look in awe. That's Basketball.

Talking about romantic.

Went down to the court to shoot some hoops. Cloudy sky. It rained. Rain. Droplets of water falling from the sky.

Waited. waited, didn't wanna waste a trip. When the downpour reduced to a drizzle, went into the court to shoot. The sky never gave me "face" and threaten me with an occasional flash of lightning. In the end the rain got heavy but, to hell with it, just carry on shooting.

It's fun to get caught in the rain once a while. Talk about in the rain and being romantic. Then perhaps it's romantic playing bball in the rain too. =/ It did force me to concentrate more from being distracted by the pounding droplets. Shooting seems more smooth in the rain. Did some improvise lay-ups from one of the NBA clips I saw. Seemed easy but the keyword is "seemed". Haha. At least I had fun trying to get a least a ball into the hoop. Wonder when was the last time I tried sometime new on court. Maybe just get crazy and enjoy the game.

Like a deflated tyre.

After tough Army training, the slackness and irregular exercises makes me goes out of shape. Went for some light jogging and was really shocked at how badly my stamina has dropped to a all new-low. Hmm... Every part of my body is protesting after only a few rounds. Gosh, I need to run more. Did some sprints and leg strengthening exercises to improve the condition of my ankle. My sprained wrist still unable to support my weight for push-ups. Sad. It'll still gonna take a while before all's healed.

She's back to work!

Facing it alone.

Sometimes it's disheartening to know that even people close to me like my folks don't support me in my dreams. Yea, I know that they want me to be practical, to be just like everyone else and get a stable job and live life well. I know but I just can't understand. Why is it that they keep saying that I'll regret when I see me friends around me earning big bucks and have tt ability to purchase all the luxury items? When I have to slog around to earn my meals?

Will I not regret in the future if I just follow what's the "best money making path now" and doing something that I hate or dislike in the future? And my life is just about making money, with the irony of supposedly keeping me alive. I guess I rather not want not be alive then.

Tiring. No wonder people seek love. Seek someone who'll just acknowledge them for who they are, not superman, wonderwoman, but just another human who's fragile too. Yet, love is not to be sought or found, for all humans will carry judgement and expectations. Maybe I've been too easily influenced by others coz I cared about them. I'll walk my own path, even if it means being alone.

Direction in life.

Sometimes wondered if I'm easily contented or that I've a short lived passion. Been doing a little online research and reading up on my modules to get myself prepared in case I've sort of "unlearnt" what I've learnt in my past schooling days. Quite happy to have a direction where I'm proceeding instead of everyday just nua-ing at home and twang.

MY heart is having some unrest lately, sort of like some civil riots are going on inside. Experiencing the downs late in the nights. Been a long time since the volcano became active. Yet again the heart turned to her. Glad I never really did anything stupid. Haha. At least I'm getting in more and more control of my own actions instead of letting my heart overwrite all commands of the mind.

Guess I can forsee, or rather I'm going to enforce, what my Uni life will be. All the time on studying, researching and playing bball. Still wondering if I'm going to do competitive bball in Uni. Maybe I'm happier playing my favourite game leisurely instead of demanding myself and others to excel, making myself miserable. Shall see eh?

Happy. Thrilled. Excited.

Was surfin in the NUS site and browsing through some of the modules and graduation requirement when I stumbled upon a roxy piece of news.

B.Sc (Hons) students majoring in Physics have the option to qualify for a specialization in (1) Astrophysics, or (2) Physics-in-Technology.

I was like "!!!" Astrophysics! =OOOOO MY DREAM! Wow. Cool. Marvellous. Excellent. Outstanding. ALRIGHT-TOH.

Hmm...that means I gotta get an Honors in Physics to be qualified. Seems like it's time to work hard, WORK VERY HARD to get results to qualified for my favourite subject. Wow...Astrophysics. Never thought that NUS would offer it. Or rather, never really knew NUS offered it. Haha. Time to lead a no life life liao. =)

I'm playing crappy bball. Guess maybe I'm too crappy myself. Shouldn't really interfer with others' playing style and try to make them play my own type of game. Just do my small part in the team and then play my own style.

There's no such thing as unconditional. Giving and recieving is a two way thing. If it's only working one way then I guess anything involving it is doomed to fail. They always say to recieve is to give first but if you keep giving and ain't recieving, then just give urself and recieve urself? =O

I know what I'm seeking but I don't know how to get to it.

Cut some slack and let loose.

No wonder they say determination and perserverence makes winners. It's hard to overcome that mental hurdle to wake up earlier, change gear and go practice and workout for hours. Feel that I shouldn't rely on others to improve coz everyone's in their comfort zone of playing and no one will wanna change to get me to improve for winning is more important, right?

I'm just a human. I'm only 178cm, 70kg. I just jumped a bit higher and play a bit harder. My opponents always seemed to be a size bigger, a head taller but still I have to play them head on. Sometimes just feel that people don't know how tiring to match up against these giants and all the feedback I got was the low post ain't performing, the rebounds ain't enough, blah blah blah. Gotten past the stage of flaring up, giving that f look for I know that's all I can do. Hate the feeling when others says I ain't trying hard enough and inside I'm beating myself up more. Gotten past the stage of flaring up, giving that f look for I know that's all I can do. I could play like a giant against guys shorter than me in the post but no glory in that.

Anger is a powerful tool. Angry at my own inabilities, my own weak physical state, my injuries, my own determination. Guess that I'll take a break for competitive team bball for a while to cool myself off before I start hating myself. Take it that I'll rest my sprain ankle, wrist and thumb. Think about stuffs a bit more. Get better.

Maturity doesn't comes with age.

Anger is a strong emotion. Somewhat glad that I'm still in control despite being overwhelmed with anger. It just kinda makes me fearless and gives me lotsa courage? =O

I just hate it when people starts fighting over stuipd things when tolerance can solve everything.

Classic love song of all time. It always seems that the heart turns to love in forms of memories when troubled. If only happy endings happens like that in the song. =/

Jacky & Regine - In Love With You

Just a gentle whisper
Told me that you'd gone
Leaving only memories where did we go wrong
I couldn't find the words then
So let me say them now
l'm still in love with you

Tell me that you love me.
Tell me that you care
Tell me that you need me and I'll be there
I'll be there waiting

I will always love you
I will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like i do
Come to me now
I will never leave you
I will stay here with you
Through the good and bad i will stand true
I'm in love with you

Now we've here together yesterday has past
Life is just beginning close to you at last
And i promise to you i will always be there
I give my all to you
Living life without you is more than i can bear
Hold me close forever i'll be there
I'll be there for you

I will always love you i will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like i do
This i promise i will never leave you
I will stay here with you
Through the good and bad i will stand true
Hold me closer
Our love is forever, holding us forever
Nothing in this world can stop us now

I'm in love...I'm so in love with you

Miracle Sensei! Went to the Chinese sensei to have my ankle treated to enhance recovery. Expected a gruelling session but instead of pure pain, he let out the blood that's clotting inside the swell so as to make my ankle heal faster. Even commented that if I can tiptoe and jump I can play bball the next day! Wow. Talk about fast. But the pain did subside greatly and walking around isn't as bad as in the morning.

Went to the concert by Soul 2 Soul - "Is There Really (love)? - Victim, Villain or Valentine?". Supposed to be a class outing but in the end only nick, zx, seng and me attended. Was glad that I went coz the band was great and the female singer had a marvellous vocal. It was like a narration of her own love life story with songs. Well, somewhat a part of me woke up and I was lost in my own thoughts, accompanied by the excellent voice and music. In many ways, she was right. Along the years I've forgiven her but somewhat, something about me that I just cannot let go or put down. I don't know. True, I guess somewhere in my heart I'm still hurting, tired and lost, afraid to step out. But at the same time, I've also learnt to accept the reality, to grow more independent emotionally, to not let my life evolve around finding that special someone. Love is really a wonderful thing and appears in many form, not just necessary in the form of BGR. Love my family, friends, myself, my game, every little thing around me...

My emotions was stirred during the sentiment sharing in the concert. In the past I would have felt more but now...I can only feel that my heart is trying to say something but the words are just stuck in the chest. Maybe I can no longer hear what my heart wants to say.

BAD DAY.

Kinda started evening bball and sprained my ankle just like minutes into it. Crap. Felt guilty coz I didn't took the responsibility into looking after my own body. Every little crap like not fully tightening my shoes, not properly landing, etc. Don't know, somewhat I'm started to get engross with what I'm going to do everytime I took off. Somewhat, things just come naturally, as if I've already given a thought about doing it even before the execution. Sucks...too bad my body was tilted a bit more and landed badly on my left foot...and I blew my ankle. Sucky feeling.

Kinda blew my top just now over the game. Was pissed off at lotsa things.

1. Pissed off that the opponent were cocky that they luckily lost the last game by 1 pt and I would have owned them in the low post if not for my ankle.

2. Pissed off at Boon bro coz despite me telling him how the game can be played to maximise teamwork and that he's bad habits, he still displayed them full out during the court and disrupted the whole gameplay.

3. Pissed off at Jun and Boon bro coz they could contained their own temper just because that the opponent were guai lan and talking trash. Isn't losing temper just falling into their trick? The best way to shut them up is to own them in the game.

4. Not very pissed off at this but just kinda something to take note of. Somewhat due to the bad teamwork, it makes it harder to pass to an open man and in the end, soloing against 1-2 opponent to get the ball in (and more often not miss) waste valuable energy. In the end, players "conserved" their energy for offense and slacken on the defense. I don't know whether competing with the opponent on scoring capabilities is the correct choice, considering that the batt life of each player is low. Shouldn't we play hard on the def and the play slow on the offensive so as to recover back faster?

Damn. Don't even know whether I should be so frank in the first place. At least at that point of time, I did what I think MJ would did, except that he would tell his teammate face off during the game and then own the opposing team harder. Didn't want to upset the mood during the game. Hmm...guess now, the priority is to rest my ankle and get back fast before the game on next friday. =/

Guess it time for some mental rehearsalling, meditating and some planning for the gameplays and team combination for next fri. Never fail to plan. Only plan to win.

Hmm...think I failed the interview for Marvin's job to Tony. T_T Don't know, just feel that I can't really express myself that well in front of strangers, especially when they ask me things like describe my own strong and weak points. Guess I'm a person whom you gotta be my closer circle to discover the more real me.

Only feel that I can be more free at expressing through actions on the court? Remember how emotional I got on the court, the time when we got through the qualifiers in the National Schools, the joy was so overwhelming that I could actually feel the tears in my eyes. Apart from the love I felt for someone, bball was the only thing that stirred so much emotions in me. At least hard work pays off in basketball.

Hmm....just wanna train harder, play better, enjoy the action. =)

Thought of the Day : How Much Do You Want To Win?

Hmm...it's been a looooooooooooonnnnnnng time I've updated. Haha.

CNY
It's fun to celebrate it back there @ M'sia. Feels different though, coz I used to be the kids back at the big family but now, I've "rank up 1 level" coz of my nephews! Lol. And I became a grand-uncle when my niece was older than me and she gave me an Ang Bao which I felt "..." Haha, but as long as I'm single, it'll be guilt-free to recieve Ang Baos from anyone! Loved playing with my little nephew and he seemed to have endless energy to run and play around. Uploaded the pictures in Flickr coz it's too laggy to upload here. Spent time having small talks @ the coffee shop with my cousins as well as some gambling sessions late at night. Haha, small gambling for the joy of it is tolerable but not to the extent of addiction. =) It's a great place back there to relax the body and soul, and be closer to nature!

Bball
Well, been playing quite often lately. Seems like too many games of half-court 3-on-3 or 4-on-4 makes me lost track of what it is to play the real 5-on-5 full court game. Sort of joined a church event (I'm juz invited to play...) and played full court with the Fhillipinos dudes. Wow, gotta admit, they got the stuffs. One of them actually dunked a volleyball but wow...I mean, I still got lots more altitude to reach before I could even do a decent dunk. Inspirational fellows. Somewhat they made me woke up from my own dream. All the half court pickup games made me feel that I've became an acceptable and good player but apparently, I'm still nowhere near the average mark. All the tricks that I used ain't good against a full court game and my offensive power is still...way way cmi. The only thing that I'm glad is that I can somewhat regulate my breathing so as not to tire out so quickly. Guess it's time to train for full court and...I just love the feel of man-to-man defense. =)

Life
Life's pretty rotten nowadays. Looking for a job but ain't really trying hard enough. Haha...so resulting in me still being unemployed. Took up sketchin and a bit of drawing lately to pass my time, as well as not to lose a skill. Reading comics, playing games, exercising....hmm...

Was kinda like "conned" into going to a church gathering but being such a nice guy, I wasn't so rude as to leave but attended to the meeting throughout. The people were friendly and the "Brother" talking was quite entertaining too. They were talking about this passage in the Bible and then some other teachings that almost got me into the flow. I was in sync when he talked about that some of us might feel this emptiness in our hearts that no matter how hard we try to fill it it never seems to be complete. Only by letting God into our lives could we be complete for like the passage described without the Holy Breath we're but like flesh and bones without a spirit. I was like hmm....ok.

He also talked about how some of us (me) who didn't believe in God and believe that with our own strength, we can do everything but there are times where we would be so helpless that only through God we'll have the strength to carry on. However, like I always believed, miracles happened because people persevered and held on when all is dim and they did what they THOUGHT was impossible. Religion is like the last line of defense of their mental state. So, that line of defense can be replaced by something else that's important to oneself?

I didn't like about the part where he says that by accepting and believing in God, your destination is changed from Hell to Heaven. If that's the truth, then it's kinda sad coz people who ain't Christians and did so much good in their life end up suffering in Hell. (or maybe Hell ain't that bad as it sounded) If that's the case, a murder who took countless of lives repented at the last moment and he is forgiven and allowed in Heaven? Somewhat, I choose to believe the part of Buddbism where your reap what you sow. (I believe in khrama in what you give is what you get return..) If I have a choice, I would rather want my consciousness to shut off after I die.

I always hoped that that special someone would come along and be that last line of defense for my mind coz, isn't it more worthwhile and real to believe in something that you can feel with your 5 senses to confirm it's existence? At least your gut feeling or instinct tells you so. But, I guess many choose religion coz it's a much more perfect symbol that would not falter in anyway. Not like a person in your mind whom you rely so much, who'll change, who'll fall to temptations, who'll be liable to all the sins available. I know how it feels to take away that last line of defense and when the fortress starts to crumble and falls apart but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Maybe I'm moving towards the idealogy of Buddhism where the existence of a physical form or not doesn't matter. I have that something in my mind to give me that extra push when I needed and all that little encouragement, comfort, care and everything. To be to the extent that no external factor will ever affect my inner world. That's my resolve.