Just completed 仙剑奇侠传4. Actually got it long before the sem starts but didn't really have the time to play it. Left it to collect dust for a sem and should have played it long ago (since I've got some bitch results too). Hmm...juz gotta say....it's great. The gameplay is normal but the storyline is really nice. Maybe it's cliche for some (bitch!) but I guess it's never too emo for emo hong to handle. Lol. Maybe it's juz as ideal as I thought the way love should be.

Wonder is if I'm really turning emotionless or just turning gay (but come to think about it, I felt nothing for anyone). Duh. Maybe the "not worth the time and logic" theory has been booted into my braindrive permanently. It's better to be more ignorant. The more when one knows, the more one holds on to and the more one will feel frustrated about.

Actually, there's nothing really good or bad. Coz at the end, life is juz like a dream and nothing really matters. I'm juz me. There's no need to try to be someone else. Feel less and get troubled less.

无所谓好与不好，人生一场虚空大梦，韶华白首，不过转瞬，惟有天道恒在，往复循环，不曾更改.....

Emo Hong.

I guess I only express what I feel inside here and I keep them here. The emo side don't exist on the daily Hong. Smallville never fails to stir up feelings inside me.

If you truely loved someone, or still loving, no matter the good or the bad that has happened, at the end of the day you'll still realise that you still love her.

Love works mysteriously. I look around and see the people falling in love. Somewhat envy them although some end up getting hurt, some end up diversifying and so on. Tried to do the same thing but somewhat, there juz isn't any strong feeling that could drive me to go after another girl. Coz after seeing what happened to a bud and thinking through, I'm wondering if all these years I've still left my heart with that person whom I've loved so dearly.

Or I've seen enough of the ugly side of human that I don't want to further taint my perception of love. Maybe it's juz an excuse.

I guess when you really loved someone too deep, it really takes a long while to get back. It's not the amount of effort you put in the relationship. It's not how much time you devoted into her. It's about knowing that you'll willingly give your heart to her if you can turn back time, knowing that she'll break it. Created a false front that I thought that I've gotten over it but it seems like I still do care about her alot. Care whether she's doing fine. Care if she's happy. Care if she's sad.

I know why the relationship failed and after thinking through it, I know that if I do ever go ino another one, it'll still fail. Maybe I trust my partner too much that I'll really let her do anything she wants, knowing that she'll make the right choice? Maybe jealousy isn't a strong part of me and yet to a girl, it meant that you cared a lot about her through the expression of it? Maybe my inner world really needs lotsa time to get into that she gave up thinking she'll never be a part of it, without realising it that the doors have already been unlocked for her.

Time really let me see lotsa things. Let me learn lotsa things. Knowing how fragile the heart is and how unbreakable the fortress it is capable of building around it. Knowing that love to many people, is juz a feeling and not a responsibility. Realising that Darwin is right. Evolution my means of natural selection is occuring all the time. Girls complain that good guys are hard to find but in the end, they're the ones that's driving them to extinction by supporting the fact that the bastards and bad boys get the girls all the time. So man juz simply, evolved. For those who refuse to change, they'll be left behind and be the last of their breed.

Time moulded me to not take many of the things too seriously, love included. If you don't hold on to something hard, then it'll be easier to let go when it's time to. There ain't many things in the world that's worth holding on to and when it's worth, don't miss it coz you're holding on to too many useless things.

Emo Hong signing off.

HongZ's soup for the troubled soul

Lol. Juz feeling a bit 感触良多 when I saw one of my buddy troubled in love. Never expect him to listen to what I have to say coz everyone around me will always comment that I make the lousiest advice especially from one who seems to always hit the wrong targets.

Love = trouble is juz so darn right, from a bystander's POV. Coz the 当事人 would 心甘情愿 do through all the trouble to make the person he likes feel 幸福. Haha. Used to do all those things too. Although it's always said that as long as you love someone, you would juz want her to be happy and that's all, you'll be happy too. Well..that's BULLSHIT. Probably you might be 10% glad that she's doing well but 90% of the time you'll feel so darn miserable. Realistic love works both ways. Give and take. Well...still up to the person who jumped onto the boat (into hell...or not =x) to decide. Juz find out what you really one and chiong ALL OUT!!! Don't leave any retreat routes for regrets later.

Guess that's no such thing as one true love forever. Faithful is for the 天真 ones who'll be eaten by the harsh world. Now, choosing a partner is like choosing clothes. You try them one for a while before deciding if they're the ones that suit you. Sometimes you can have a few different clothes at the same time to find which one suit you best. Perhaps the one that suits you most, let say have 80% of what you're looking for, is discarded coz you took that 80% for granted and tot that the other clothes that only offer the other 20% fits better. Kinda sux rite? But that's life.

Maybe I'm juz lazy to fall in love. Perhaps at first sight I might like that girl but after give a little try and see no responses (or positive feedbacks) I juz laze away. Coz my past experience told me it's not the amount of effort you put in as the female species think with their heart and not their brain. (juz like men think with their little head and not their big head...lol//) So might as well not get myself into so much trouble and feel stupid of putting in so much effort and resulting into nothing. Wait for some ZB to drop me some hints ba, or better still, jio me. HAhahaha. Like it's gonna happen.

Updates Updates!

Yawn. Tired. Came home from work and yea...tiring. Think I juz write something before more people make noise. =x

Hmm...semester come, my grades gone. =O Lol. Sad. There's always a first time. First time in my life that I set for a Physics paper and I'm totally clueless about what each question is really talking about. Felt terrified and super sian diao. Maybe I'm not hardworking enough given my average talent, which is like none. Now I know what the Uni life is about, next sem will be better.

Been into volunteer work each Sat. Sometimes a bit time consuming but after each session juz felt great. Been sabo-ed into being the programmer for the group so...gotta squeeze dry my creative brain cells to come up with totally cool and new activities on special ocassions. Hmm.. =/

Don't really have much to blog about to. Not like I have been into a scandalous trouble to be able to make some news out of it. Haha. Guess life is juz...normal and dull. Nothing exciting going and juz thankful that at least it has been peaceful. The only special thing that I'm doing is probably learning bike and soon, it'll be completed. 月老 hasn't been concerned about me for a long time T_T and yea. Kinda already like 逆来顺受, have have, dun have dun have lor. HAha. Maybe I've finally gotten pass the stage of wanting to be in love for the sake of being in love. Juz let thigns take the natural course. =D

ZZzzZZz...go slp. Tml still gotta work. =X